Gift giving is one of humanity’s oldest and proudest traditions, ranking right up there with music and prostitution, and just below the consumption of alcohol. The right gift can be used to make a vast array of statements to the recipient: everything from “happy birthday!” to “I hope you enjoy this poison!” As much as it’s possible to say with a gift, however, there’s but a single appropriate way to respond when someone has given one to ...

If you’ve ever heard of the Internet – and really, even if you haven’t – you’re probably familiar with the interminable quarrel between ninjas and pirates over the question of who is cooler. And as much as I favor the maritime marauder over the island assassin, there’s one area in which pirates simply can’t compete with their stealthier foes: stealth. And so it was with ninja-like vigilance rather than my usual piratic rapacity that I embarked upon ...

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania – the nearest major city to yours truly – has a whole bunch of things for which it’s widely known. Just off the top of my head, I can think of cheesesteaks, pretzels, poor sportsmanship, the Liberty Bell, Rocky, and of course a certain television program which, funny though it may be, has single-handedly given rise to the most egregious meteorological misconception of our generation. One thing Philly isn’t famous for is wine, a reality ...

Hello there, Internet. How’s it going? That’s great! As for me, I’ve been busy with end-of-semester nonsense, and as a result, it’s been a whole week since my last review. I realize you all must be starving for my whimsical brand of wine wisdom by now, so I’ve decided to apologize by giving you all exactly what you want: a hot, throbbing dose of it. Today I’m going to discuss a Nebbiolo, which some of you probably ...

This will probably come as a shock to some of you, but due to time and motivation-related constraints, I don’t get a chance to write about every wine that I drink here on Convicted for Grape. Fear not, though! If you’re following me on Twitter (@GrapeConviction – you are following me on Twitter, aren’t you?), you’re privy to a fascinating glimpse at contemporary alcoholism, with minute-by-minute, glass-by-glass updates on my drinking habits. Even so, I’ve lately come ...

As enjoyable as my last visit to Hoboken, New Jersey was, I couldn’t help but notice that the city seemed to suffer from a disappointing paucity of actual hobos. This time, though, I breathed a sigh of relief: not two minutes after my arrival, I was approached by an obviously homeless gentleman who, while insisting he wasn’t homeless, asked me for 50 cents. I gave him a quarter instead, for although it’s a matter of common courtesy ...